identity
what makes me, me!
Our Gaze
Patriarchal white supremacy has left the Black mind torn between the reality we experience and the one we're told to accept. Femme Noire was created to celebrate the beauty of the Black female experience on our own terms, free from external manipulation and distortion. In this group, Blackness and female identity are explored without the intrusion of dominant culture's gaze.
During our 1-2 hour sessions, Silent Syche offers tools, a safe space, and education to navigate the complexities of American culture in relation to the Black experience. We address topics such as body image, attachment styles, inner child work, and generational trauma. Femme Noire aims to bridge the gap between quality clinical therapy and the Black female community, providing support without the burden of cost.
Black women are often sidelined in discussions about our lived realities, while caricatures misrepresent our experiences. Creators like Issa Rae and Lena Waithe are pivotal in advancing authentic representation, but it’s crucial to ask: What is your identity beyond your roles as a provider, lover, friend, or caregiver? How have others’ perceptions of your Blackness and womanhood shaped how you see yourself now and in the past?
These questions are frequently overlooked amid our busy lives, yet they profoundly impact our emotional responses and sense of self. Below, you'll find an activity designed to help you explore your identity, along with videos to support the development of a confident, beautiful Black self.
Ways to Center Our Experiences:
Reflect on Personal Narratives: Spend time journaling about your unique experiences, achievements, and challenges. This helps solidify your sense of self and recognize the value of your personal journey.
Engage in Affirmative Practices: Surround yourself with affirmations and practices that celebrate your Blackness and womanhood. This can include visualizing positive imagery, practicing self-care, and engaging in rituals that honor your heritage.
Seek Community Support: Connect with other Black women who share similar experiences and challenges. Group discussions, mentorship, and shared activities can reinforce a sense of belonging and mutual understanding.
Educate Yourself and Others: Delve into literature, media, and resources that highlight Black female experiences and perspectives. Share these insights within your community to foster a deeper collective awareness.
Create Safe Spaces: Establish environments, both physical and emotional, where you can express yourself without judgment. Whether it's through group meetings, online forums, or personal retreats, safe spaces allow for authentic self-expression.
Advocate for Representation: Support and engage with media and organizations that represent Black women authentically. By promoting diverse voices and perspectives, we can influence cultural narratives and validate our own experiences.
These are wonderful tips on how to build and maintain a beautiful and black self-identity!
Confidence and beauty appear in many forms! Naomi Campbell is a great example of someone who exudes confidence, while also being problematically loved.
Music remarkably tells the hidden feelings and memories of the soul. Each week, I have songs that relate to the topic at hand. For identity; we’ll start with Ms. Patti Labelle!
drugs & violence
drogas y violencia
Crack is Cheap
The D.A.R.E. program was a staple of my childhood, offering dramatic, fear-inducing videos about drug abuse and providing a welcome distraction from the monotony of classwork. I remember the fun giveaways and the charismatic presentations, but as an adult, I've come to understand that drug abuse is far more complex than the simplistic messages I received. People often turn to drugs not out of mere curiosity or fun, but as a means to numb deep-seated pain and unresolved issues. Similarly, violence can act as a destructive coping mechanism for those grappling with anger, ego, or deep depression. These are not just isolated issues but intertwined problems that have significantly impacted the Black community.
In this section, we will explore the interplay between substance abuse and violence, examining how these issues exacerbate each other and traumatize individuals and communities. This discussion aims not to judge those struggling with addiction or violent behavior but to address and understand these challenges in hopes of fostering healing and reducing ignorance within our communities.
Tips for Managing Mental Health with Substance Abuse Issues:
Seek Professional Help: Engage with mental health professionals who specialize in addiction and trauma. Therapy and counseling can provide tailored strategies for managing substance abuse and underlying mental health issues.
Build a Support Network: Connect with support groups or networks that offer understanding and encouragement. Sharing experiences with others who face similar struggles can provide valuable support and practical advice.
Create a Structured Routine: Establishing a daily routine can help in maintaining stability and reducing the temptation to resort to substance use. Incorporate activities that promote well-being and mental health.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that support your physical and mental health, such as exercise, meditation, and healthy eating. Self-care helps to manage stress and improve overall well-being.
Avoid Triggers: Identify and avoid situations or environments that may trigger substance use. Creating a safe and supportive environment is crucial for recovery.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals for reducing or quitting substance use. Small, incremental changes can lead to long-term success and provide a sense of accomplishment.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the effects of substance abuse and the recovery process. Knowledge can empower you to make informed decisions and understand the challenges involved.
Supporting Loved Ones Struggling with Addiction:
Offer Compassionate Support: Approach your loved one with empathy and understanding. Avoid judgmental language and provide a non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest seeking help from addiction specialists or counselors. Professional support can be crucial for managing addiction and its effects.
Establish Healthy Boundaries: Set clear boundaries to protect your own well-being while supporting your loved one. It’s important to balance support with self-care.
Be Patient: Understand that recovery is a long and often challenging process. Offer consistent support and encouragement without expecting immediate results.
Participate in Support Groups: Join support groups for families and friends of individuals with addiction issues. These groups provide valuable resources and shared experiences.
Educate Yourself: Learn about addiction and its impact on mental health to better support your loved one and manage your own responses.
By understanding and addressing the complexities of substance abuse and violence, we can work towards healthier communities and support systems.
iconic but sad
Brave sister speaks on intimate partner violence in the black community and the nuances of the black female existence.
These brothers do a great job of expressing the reality of drugs in major black communities.
intimate partner violence & help
October is domestic violence awareness month. Click for more support & resources!
October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month
October, with its pumpkin harvests, Halloween festivities, and the vibrant colors of autumn, also carries a critical yet often overshadowed significance: Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This month serves as a global call to action, highlighting the realities of intimate partner violence and sharing stories of survival and recovery. While many raise awareness through speaking engagements, media appearances, and rallies, substantial clinical research on domestic violence has been conducted by experts at the Recovery Village.
Their comprehensive article explores the nature of domestic violence, offers guidance on identifying unhealthy relationships, and provides strategies for healing from the aftermath, including issues like substance abuse and learned helplessness. This resource is invaluable for anyone caught in a toxic cycle, including friends, former partners, and colleagues. Their important work is detailed below, offering insight and support for those affected by domestic violence.
Recovery Village: How to Recognize Signs of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence encompasses various forms of abuse, including physical violence, rape, stalking, and emotional or psychological harm. In the United States, it is often linked to severe issues such as sexual assault, stalking, homicide, mental illness, and suicide. The widespread and multifaceted nature of domestic violence means it can affect anyone—regardless of age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, religion, or social status—at any point in their life.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), approximately 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner every minute in the U.S., totaling over 10 million individuals annually. Additionally, many cases go unreported or unacknowledged. If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who might be, seeking information and support is crucial for connecting with the help needed.
How to Recognize Signs of Domestic Violence
Domestic abuse can manifest in both behavioral and physical forms. It’s crucial to be vigilant about these signs, whether you’re experiencing abuse yourself or are concerned for someone close to you. Victims may sometimes deny or fail to recognize their situation as abuse, while others might be aware but unsure how to escape. To effectively address domestic abuse, consider the following two key questions:
What are the signs of domestic abuse?
Physical Signs: Unexplained injuries, frequent bruises or black eyes, and broken bones. Victims may also have signs of being restrained or burned.
Behavioral Signs: Extreme changes in behavior or personality, such as becoming unusually withdrawn, anxious, or fearful. Victims may also show signs of depression or low self-esteem.
Emotional and Psychological Signs: Evidence of manipulation, constant belittling or humiliation, excessive jealousy or possessiveness, and controlling behaviors from a partner.
What signs should I look for if I suspect my loved one is being abused?
Physical Changes: Noticeable injuries that are inconsistent with explanations, frequent absences or changes in appearance, and signs of neglect or malnutrition.
Behavioral Changes: Increased isolation from friends and family, sudden changes in work or social activities, and signs of anxiety, depression, or fearfulness when discussing their relationship.
Emotional Indicators: Visible distress or fear when their partner is mentioned, reluctance to discuss their relationship, and signs of emotional manipulation or control by their partner.
Being aware of these signs can help in identifying domestic abuse and providing the necessary support to those in need. If you or someone you know shows these indicators, seeking help from professionals and support services is essential.
What Are the Signs of Domestic Abuse?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in a relationship that’s used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another person. It can be:
Physical: Using physical force to harm someone
Sexual: Physically forcing someone to perform sexual acts
Verbal: Using words to manipulate someone’s thoughts and emotions
Financial: Controlling and monitoring someone’s spending (money, credit cards, etc.)
Domestic violence can also involve emotional abuse.
Signs of emotional abuse can include any of the following:
What Signs Should I Look For?
For someone who’s never been in an abusive relationship, the signs of domestic abuse may be obvious, especially the physical signs. However, some people may not realize that they are in an abusive relationship, even if they are being physically abused, unless they see the signs laid out for them.
While many of the signs of domestic violence might be limited primarily to the victim, some signs can easily be discerned by third parties, if they are aware of them.
Signs of Domestic Violence for the Victim
Some of the common “red flags” of domestic abuse include:
Having pain intentionally inflicted by hand or object (punching, slapping, pushing, squeezing, cutting, stabbing, bludgeoning, etc.)
Constantly fearing the person when they’re around, or feeling fearful while awaiting their arrival
Being repeatedly humiliated, intimidated, criticized, belittled or yelled at
Being controlled or dominated
Being objectified (physically, sexually, etc.)Blaming yourself for the person’s abusive behavior toward you
Being physically or verbally forced into doing things you don’t want to do
Being threatened
Being isolated and forbidden from seeing your friends and family
Having your personal belongings confiscated, destroyed or monitored
Having all of your physical movements monitored
Signs of Domestic Violence to Look For
If your friend, relative or other loved one is being abused, they might:
Make constant attempts to please their partner
Act nervous and uneasy around the topic of their partner
Receive frequent, harassing calls or texts from their partner while with you
Describe their partner as possessive or jealous
Tell you frequent stories of accidental injuries to explain cuts, bruises and scratches
Miss school, work or other social obligations, with frequent excuses or no explanation at all
Wear long sleeves in warm places or sunglasses indoors or when it’s not sunny out
Have low self-esteem
Show signs of depression or anxiety
Blame themselves for a physical altercation with their partner, if they admit that it happened at all
Make excuses for their partner and justify their abusive behavior
Become irritable or angry when you try to reason with them about their partner
Keep in mind that it’s not always easy for people experiencing domestic violence to admit that they’re being abused, and there are many reasons these individuals choose to stay in those relationships. They may be fearful for their safety or that of their children, or they may not want the abusers to go to jail. Some people may also be hopeful that the abuse will stop one day, so they choose to stay and wait for change, often in vain. In other cases, abuse may be all the victim know, so they may be afraid of experiencing the unknown by leaving. Regardless of the reason, it’s important for you to have patience and understanding to help your loved one effectively.
How to Get Help
If any of the signs of abuse apply to you or a loved one, now is the time to take action. It could save a life. If you’re involved in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know that it’s not your fault, and you can get out of it, even if you think you can’t. There are many resources available to help victims of domestic violence, including confidential helplines and information about shelters, that allow you to reach out with complete confidentiality.
How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship
If you are involved in an abusive relationship, you may think there’s no way out. But the dangers of staying can be far worse than those of leaving. Remaining in the toxic environment of domestic violence can put your life at risk. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), more than three women are murdered by their partner every day, on average. Staying could put others in your life at risk as well. Oftentimes, abusers take their anger out on anyone in their path, even — or especially — children. Aside from the obvious physical dangers of abuse, there are a number of potential emotional consequences to keep in mind for everyone involved, including depression.
In the midst of these risks lies hope. On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlinesnationwide. That means 20,000 people took the brave step to reach out for help and break free from abusive relationships. Taking this step can bring you closer to living free from fear and abuse. Steps you can take to get there include:
Did You Know?
Domestic abuse is covered under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) if you are experiencing a medical condition as a result of domestic violence. For example, if you must spend time in the hospital for an injury from a domestic violence incident, or you are in treatment for a mental health condition resulting from your experiences, you may be eligible for FMLA coverage. This means you may have the option to take paid time off from work as a result of a domestic violence situation. Ask your HR department to learn more about this policy and to determine if you’re eligible.
How to Help a Domestic Violence Victim
If you suspect someone you love is being abused, there are ways you can help from afar, or intervene if necessary. It’s important to remember that your friend or family member will likely be hesitant to admit that anything is going on behind closed doors out of fear of their abuser or denial of their abuse. But domestic violence is not something to ignore and can lead to other dangerous activities, like drug and alcohol use. Don’t wait until the situation worsens — here are some of the best ways you can help a victim of domestic violence:
Keep an eye out for warning signs:
Help your loved one craft a safety plan:
Connect them to other helpful resources:
Don’t turn a blind eye to domestic violence. If you suspect a friend, co-worker, family member or acquaintance is being abused, there’s always something you can do to help. If someone you love is abusing drugs or alcohol as a way of coping with domestic violence, The Recovery Village can offer them a safe space to seek treatment and healing. Call today to learn more about the comprehensive rehab care available.
Facing the Facts: Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence
Examining the research on when and how these issues occur can shed light on their correlation and further discourage the use of dangerous substances.
Young adults who experience past-year physical dating violence are more likely to have mental health and substance use disorders within six months of the abuse.
Teen victims of dating violence are more likely than their non-abused peers to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and attempt or consider suicide.
Domestic abuse victims are 70% more likely to drink excessive amounts of alcohol than those in healthy relationships.
More than 20% of male perpetrators report using alcohol or illicit drugs prior to the most recent and severe acts of violence.
On days of heavy drug and/or alcohol use, physical violence was 11 times more likely among IPV batterers and victims.
How Domestic Violence and Substance Abuse Are Connected
Domestic violence and substance abuse are intimately linked and often occur simultaneously. They are related much in the same way that co-occurring mental disorders like depression and anxiety are linked to increased drug use and vice versa. Often one is a symptom of the other, and in many cases, they go hand in hand. Yet while they’re intertwined, one doesn’t always precede the other. Abusing drugs doesn’t always spur aggressors to physical or emotional violence, and being a victim of abuse doesn’t necessarily lead to an overindulgence in dangerous substances. When domestic violence and drug use do happen together, they can wreak havoc on everyone involved.
According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, multiple studies have shown that substance abuse occurs in 40 to 60% of domestic violence situations, with some research suggesting that substance abuse either comes before a violent act or makes violence worse. In addition, the research indicates that perpetrators may force their victims to abuse substances, and substance abuse is more common among victims of domestic violence compared to those who have not been victims.
Learn more about some of the
most commonly abused substances.
Alcohol | Benzos | Cocaine | Fentanyl | Heroin | Marijuana | Opioids | Xanax
The Nature of Domestic Violence
To understand the relationship between substance abuse and domestic violence, it’s important to study the root causes of this specific type of aggression. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) defines domestic violence as a willful intimidation, assault, battery or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control, perpetrated by one intimate partner (or family member) against another.
The key to understanding why domestic violence occurs and why it’s so closely followed or preceded by substance abuse is that domestic violence is part of a pattern of dominance or a need for control. A need to have control over another person’s behavior often stems from distorted thought processes and deep-seated psychological distress, whether the perpetrator realizes it or not. The use of alcohol or illicit or prescription drugs only makes neurotic thought patterns more intense and destructive.
There are several emotional dynamics that contribute to domestic violence. The most prevalent involves a destructive “critical inner voice” that perpetuates irrational thoughts such as “You’re not a man if you don’t hit her,” or “She is making fun of you. Who does she think she is?” Acting on the lies this voice tells can convince aggressors to attempt to control their partner (or loved one) by taking violent measures toward their seemingly “insubordinate” or “disrespectful” behavior. This unhealthy, and often delusional, inner monologue can be seen in both male and female perpetrators of this kind of aggression.
If you are being physically or emotionally abused by a loved one, lying to yourself or others about what’s happening only makes it worse. You’re not the first to live through this, and there are people who can help you.
Issues Intertwined: Drug Use and Domestic Violence
Substance abuse is a shared affliction between domestic violence perpetrators and victims. According to the American Psychological Association, excessive drug or alcohol use increases the risk of being a victim of domestic violence — and of becoming an abuser. Heavy use of drugs or alcohol increases a person’s chances of becoming abusive, and the mental anguish of domestic violence causes many victims to turn to dangerous substances. Numerous studies affirm that substance use often plays a facilitative role in violent behavior, and usually exacerbates pre-existing patterns of abuse.
For victims of domestic violence, this weight of repeated abuse is an extremely heavy burden. To ease the strain, many people turn to substances for relief. In some cases, women in abusive relationships are coerced into using drugs or alcohol by their partners. Victims can experience panic disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a host of other mental ailments as a result of domestic violence. The percentage of women who consider their mental health to be poor is almost three times higher among women with a history of domestic violence than those in healthy relationships. As a result, intimate partner victimization is often correlated with an alarmingly high rate of depression and suicidal behavior.
The Bottom Line: Substances Aren’t Shoulders to Lean On
Regardless of whether someone is a perpetrator or victim of domestic violence, one form of abuse should not lead to another. Heavy drug or alcohol use only enables aggression and silences guilt for those who believe they need to control others. For victims, substances only offer temporary relief from an unbearable situation.
Perpetrator or victim, drugs are not a suitable crutch, and with the right help, they don’t have to be. If you are a survivor of domestic violence, you’re never beyond help — learn how to get out of a dangerous situation or call any of the hotlines below.
For more info please visit Recovery Village!
she, they and why
she her they ;)
She, They, and Why
Gender is a prominent topic today, from Lil Boosie’s homophobic comments about Lil Nas X to Kevin Samuels' derogatory remarks about women—it's a complex and often troubling landscape. Patriarchy and other controlling structures have long enforced rigid divisions between male and female identities. Traits like boisterousness and dominance are often deemed masculine, while docility and submissiveness are labeled feminine. Yet, regardless of where someone falls on the gender or sexuality spectrum, their Black identity remains a fundamental aspect that deserves exploration.
This week, we focus on the Black female identity and the societal expectations imposed on us in various settings—whether at home, in the workplace, or within our communities. We will examine the pressures to conform and ask whether we should even adhere to these prescribed behaviors. Join us as we explore how to challenge these norms with grace and defiance, embracing our true selves.
Tools for Embracing and Navigating Gender Expectations:
Self-Reflection: Examine how societal expectations of gender roles impact your behavior and identity. Understanding these influences can help you make conscious choices about how to express yourself.
Challenge Norms: Actively question and challenge traditional gender roles and expectations. Embrace your individuality and reject stereotypes that don't align with your true self.
Build Support Networks: Connect with communities and individuals who support diverse gender identities and expressions. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can offer validation and encouragement.
Educate Yourself and Others: Seek out resources and engage in conversations about gender diversity and the impact of patriarchy. Education can empower you and foster broader understanding.
Advocate for Change: Use your voice and platform to advocate for more inclusive and equitable gender norms. Participate in discussions and movements that promote gender equality and respect.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that affirm your identity and well-being. Engage in practices that support your mental and emotional health as you navigate societal expectations.
Explore Personal Expression: Find ways to express your gender identity authentically and confidently. Whether through fashion, art, or personal interactions, let your true self shine.
This week’s exploration invites us to question and redefine how we engage with gender expectations, embracing authenticity and challenging norms with peace and style.
The legend, the hero and the goddess that was Marsha P. should forever be celebrated. Watch for more info!
Dr. Alicia Jackson presents an amazing talk on the theoretical intersections of blackness, gender and sexuality.
beauty in the ugly
beauty in the ugly podcast! Shout to Mercy Ellan!
Becoming a Swan
Domestic violence and sexual assault are crucial yet often overlooked topics. Media distortions and abuses of power by authority figures contribute to the misrepresentation and neglect of these serious issues. This week, I had the privilege of collaborating with Mercy Ellan, host of the Beauty in the Ugly Podcast. Mercy, a Nigerian podcaster known for her engaging discussions on love, relationships, and more, joined me to address intimate partner violence and its warning signs.
In our conversation, we delve into the typical patterns of such relationships and offer guidance on how to support oneself or a loved one who may be affected. We also explore the signs of sexual abuse and provide advice on how to approach a suspected victim or manage these situations. This is a vital discussion you won't want to miss. Listen below for more insights and information.
Tools for Overcoming Abusive Relationships:
Recognize the Signs: Educate yourself about the signs of abuse, including emotional manipulation, physical violence, and controlling behaviors.
Create a Safety Plan: Develop a plan that includes a safe place to go, emergency contacts, and a way to leave quickly if needed. This plan should be discreet and ready to use in case of an emergency.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer emotional and practical support. Talking to others can provide perspective and encouragement.
Access Professional Help: Contact a therapist or counselor specializing in trauma and abuse. Professional support can help you navigate your emotions and create strategies for healing and moving forward.
Utilize Hotlines and Resources: Use available hotlines and resources for immediate assistance and information. Organizations such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide support and resources.
Establish Boundaries: Learn to set and maintain clear boundaries to protect your well-being. This might include limiting contact with the abuser and asserting your needs in relationships.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize activities and practices that support your physical and mental health. Self-care is crucial for recovery and regaining a sense of control.
Educate Yourself: Understand the dynamics of abusive relationships and the process of recovery. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and recognize unhealthy patterns.
These tools can help you or someone you care about overcome the challenges of abusive relationships and work towards a healthier, safer future.
village mentality
village keeps them safe!
Parenting
Children introduce unique perspectives and dynamics into our lives. Loving, caring for, and sacrificing for a Black child is a profoundly rewarding yet challenging experience. Whether you're a parent, teacher, auntie, or guardian, you understand the beauty of these interactions. However, navigating the down moments in this journey requires more than just effort; it demands a deep understanding of our histories and personal growth to better support the next generation.
Processing Generational Trauma in Parenting:
Self-Reflection: Examine your own experiences and unresolved issues to understand how they influence your parenting style.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the impact of generational trauma and effective parenting strategies to foster a positive environment for your child.
Seek Professional Guidance: Work with therapists or counselors who specialize in family dynamics and generational trauma.
Establish Open Communication: Create a safe space for open dialogue with your child, encouraging them to express their feelings and concerns.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being to model healthy behavior and manage stress effectively.
Build Support Networks: Connect with other caregivers for shared experiences and support, and participate in community resources focused on parenting and child development.
This section focuses on creative and affirming ways to help children grow into agents of change while addressing and healing from generational trauma.
generational trauma
apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
The Ancestors Cried
Suffering is as fundamental as needing water, food, and intimacy. To be alive means navigating the struggle between self-destruction and self-acceptance. Our pain is intertwined with the experiences of those who came before us and those we will never meet. Generational trauma is the inherited pain embedded in our family history, environment, and psyche. While African history is rich and beautiful, it also carries the weight of past injustices and suffering. To break the cycle of trauma, we must confront the misfortunes and adversities faced by our ancestors.
Processing Generational Trauma:
Acknowledge the Pain: Recognize and validate the pain carried through generations. Understanding its presence is the first step toward healing.
Engage in Reflective Practices: Use journaling, meditation, or storytelling to explore and process the impact of generational trauma on your life.
Seek Therapy: Work with a therapist experienced in dealing with generational trauma. Culturally competent professionals can offer insights and strategies for healing.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the historical and cultural contexts of your family's trauma. This knowledge can provide perspective and guide your healing process.
Build Support Networks: Connect with others who share similar experiences. Community support can provide validation and encouragement.
Create Healing Rituals: Establish personal or communal rituals that honor and address ancestral pain, fostering a sense of closure and peace.
This section aims to witness and validate the pains endured within our families and communities, offering ways to strategically integrate peace into these historical wounds.
Billie Holiday’s pain resonates today.
Generational trauma is real y’all.
he, them & why
he him and they ;)
Black men face experiences that many cannot even imagine. However, this discussion isn’t solely about them; it’s about understanding how the societal expectations placed on Black men impact us all. Expectations like not crying, exhibiting hypersexual behavior, and other stereotypes prevent many Black men from living their truest selves, even if they outwardly seem to conform to these roles.
For Black women, there is profound pain when Black men either fail to meet these expectations or, conversely, embody them in ways that harm themselves and their communities. This dynamic affects our relationships and the broader Black family and community. By examining perspectives from figures like Steve Harvey and bell hooks, we can better articulate and address the struggles faced by our fathers, cousins, partners, and others in this often misunderstood group.
Tools for Processing Toxic Masculinity and Enhancing Understanding:
Reflect on Societal Expectations: Recognize and challenge societal pressures that dictate how Black men should behave. Understanding these expectations helps in addressing the impact they have on personal and communal well-being.
Engage in Open Conversations: Foster honest discussions about the pressures and stereotypes facing Black men. Encourage dialogue that allows for emotional expression and mutual support.
Seek Therapy or Counseling: Therapy can be beneficial for exploring the effects of toxic masculinity on mental health. Culturally competent therapists can offer tailored support for addressing these issues.
Educate Yourself: Explore resources that address toxic masculinity and its impact on relationships. Books, articles, and lectures by experts like bell hooks provide valuable insights.
Support Healthy Role Models: Highlight and support positive role models who embody healthy masculinity. Showcasing diverse examples can help redefine expectations and provide alternative paths for emotional expression.
Create Safe Spaces: Develop environments where Black men can express vulnerability without judgment. Safe spaces encourage emotional openness and healing.
Below, I have included videos that explore the complex relationship between sexuality, Blackness, maleness, and the Black female reality. These resources offer further insight into the challenges and dynamics discussed.
…too sensitive
being vulnerable.
i and i
“As Black people in a white-supremacist culture, we have historically learned to hide our vulnerability to survive. This survival strategy, coupled with a broader cultural disdain for vulnerability, has led many Black individuals to misinterpret emotional weakness as a sign of strength. Even when we are no longer facing extreme violence, maintaining this strategy can damage our emotional and intimate relationships. An inability to be vulnerable means we struggle to truly feel and connect with others, affecting our capacity to experience love. Thus, the lack of connection and love in our culture can be especially pronounced among African Americans.”
― bell hooks, We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity
Vulnerability and intimacy look different for everyone, but all healthy relationships share commitment, honesty, and courage. These qualities emerge from a willingness to challenge ourselves, heal, and positively connect with others.
However, many factors—trauma, misinformation from podcasts, and loud pundits—distract us from genuine love and connection. How can love thrive when dating apps, novelty addiction, and limiting beliefs hold us back?
This section focuses on accessing our most intimate spaces, understanding our attachment styles, and validating ourselves as we seek interpersonal peace of mind.
Tips for Embracing Vulnerability and Building Intimacy:
Acknowledge and Address Trauma: Recognize and confront past traumas that may hinder your ability to be vulnerable. Therapy and self-reflection can help you process these experiences.
Educate Yourself: Seek out reliable sources and experts on healthy relationships and emotional well-being. Avoid misinformation and focus on credible advice that supports growth.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate your emotional landscape. Self-compassion helps in accepting your vulnerabilities and understanding that they are part of the human experience.
Build Genuine Connections: Engage in relationships where open communication and mutual support are prioritized. True intimacy requires honesty and the willingness to share your true self.
Explore Attachment Styles: Understand your attachment style and how it influences your relationships. This self-awareness can guide you in forming healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Limit Distractions: Reduce time spent on dating apps or other sources that do not foster meaningful connections. Focus on building real-life relationships and experiences.
Can we be real with ourselves and embrace the journey toward deeper emotional connections and peace of mind?
bell hooks masterfully explains the dynamics of love and miseducation that we learn from society.
Sis, explains attachment styles for all!
just 4 me
i will give love to my inner child.
inner child
The "Just 4 Me" girls always seemed like the most vibrant and joyful. I longed to feel as happy, seen, and heard as they appeared, but I knew it would take more than just a box of texturizer. My family issues ran deep, from incarceration and bullying to tone-deaf parenting and various traumas identified by the ACES assessment. I internalized these struggles profoundly, and as I grew, I was unaware of the inner child within me who was still suffering and crying for the help she never received.
Therapy and other approaches have helped me understand the importance of re-parenting my inner child, affirming that she mattered, was listened to, and would always be seen. Although I still have my challenges, I am now more aware of my past struggles and where they originate.
That little Black girl inside you is important—was she always treated as such? If not, here are some ways to reconnect with and nurture your inner child:
Create a Safe Space: Designate a physical space or mental practice where you can express yourself freely, whether through art, writing, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts.
Celebrate Cultural Traditions: Engage in practices and rituals that celebrate your heritage and connect with your cultural roots. This can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.
Self-Care Rituals: Incorporate self-care routines that honor your identity and past, such as meditation, journaling, or spending time with loved ones who uplift and affirm you.
Affirmations and Positive Reinforcement: Use affirmations that specifically address and heal your inner child's wounds, reinforcing that you are valued and loved.
Therapeutic Practices: Explore therapy or counseling with professionals who understand the unique experiences of African American women and can offer tailored support.
Community Support: Connect with supportive communities or groups that share your experiences and can offer mutual understanding and encouragement.
To assist in this process, I have included videos below on inner child work, which can help revolutionize our lives and promote healing.
Inner Child Meditation!
Quick intro to inner child work and the parts that reflect our psyche.
“why you always …mad?”
angela basset is a mood
BIG MAD
Angry. Bitter. Scorned. While these words might describe an overly dramatic Tyler Perry film, they also reflect the emotions many Black women experience. Why is this the case? Beyond blatant racism, what aspects of our lives fuel such anger and turmoil? These feelings could be remnants of our foremothers' struggles against ongoing anti-Black and sexist institutions. It might also stem from non-Black celebrities appropriating our aesthetics for popularity, while our creativity is exploited by those aligned with the dominant culture.
For many of us, constant microaggressions, stereotyping, and belittling often go unnoticed by others, leaving us feeling isolated and misunderstood. This can lead to heightened anger and frustration, which may contribute to depression.
To cope with these emotions, consider practicing mindfulness and meditation to ground yourself and reduce stress. Engaging in physical activities like exercise can help manage anger and improve your mood. Additionally, journaling about your experiences and emotions can provide an outlet for expression and self-reflection. Seeking support from a therapist who understands the unique challenges faced by Black women can also be incredibly beneficial.
I encourage you to share your stories and experiences as we delve into these important issues. What makes you mad?
i got a lot to be mad about
The world calls black women M A D. Well, there is a reason and “as/is” explores this assumption.
i hate you so much right now!
r e s o u r c e s
Free resources to get mental health help!
Taxes, traffic, and asking for help—these are my personal pet peeves. Among them, my reluctance to seek help often leaves me feeling stuck in otherwise manageable situations. This hesitation is not unique; many of us struggle with the concept of reaching out for support, especially when it comes to our mental vulnerabilities.
Deep-seated beliefs from childhood can make talking to "strangers" about our feelings seem daunting. While there's value in self-reliance, it's crucial to balance it with the understanding that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
Below is a curated list of resources offering free therapy, hotlines, food pantries, and community support. I encourage you to make use of these resources to take a positive step toward a happier life.
to receive…
This resource is amazing if you are of African ancestry and are looking for 1-5 sessions of free therapy. The sessions are virtual and most of the clinicians are Afro-American. Sign up before a waitlist develops!
This is a safe, free and therapist led group made to ease the tensions of black femaleness through Afrocentric resources, therapeutic activities and pop culture references. They meet every Thursday @ 7PM.
National Alliance on Mental Illness
This organization has been around for decades and is a staple in the mental health community. They provide support groups, 24-7 hotlines and resources for those who are struggling to manage their mental illnesses and substance abuse.
The Latinx community is growing beautifully, yet the number of mental health clinicians who understand that reality are still tenuous. If you are looking for free sessions or just a Latinx therapist, this is the resource for you.
National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
For those of color and queer, this resource is amazing for finding therapists who align with your reality and experiences. Free sessions are provided if you apply for the mental health grant fund before the end of April!
In such an individualistic society, to be codependent is seen as a flaw instead of a trauma response. If you find that you struggle with this (I know I do), then consider Codependents Anonymous for extra support.
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization, Inc.
Dealing with the trauma and wounds of early childhood and adolescence can be overwhelming and lead to destructive behaviors later in life. This organization provides free webinars, support meetings, ACA readings and more!
Addiction can be intense on the family structure and lead to dysfunctions that take decades to mend. The help is out there nonetheless and Sober World provides droves of information on the best way to heal from the effects of addiction.
If talking on the phone and speaking deeply about your situation is difficult, consider using 7 Cups! They make therapy more available by allowing a participant to text their volunteer mental health professional for additional support instead of traditional therapy. Give them a try if you’re looking for a more off hands approach to your mental health care.
For any black woman or girl searching for emotional and mental support, this organization is the perfect place for you. Outside of having a successful podcast to boot, this web collective provides therapists, resources and material to help you live your healthiest life.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Emotions can be tough. Suicidal ideation is common but it should never be a battle that one faces alone. This organization has been around for decades and continues to provide to those in need of a positive, loving and affirming ear. Join their online chat room for extra support and guidance.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Intimate Partner Violence is a strange and obvious issue in American society, but continues to be ignored by those willing. If you are ready to heal from an abusive relationship with a former/current partner, consider contacting this hotline for free resources, therapy and support in your local area.
While America has enjoyed years of economic wealth and prosperity, that abundance hasn’t tricked down to the entire population. Basic necessities like food and shelter determine one’s behavior more than a therapist session can. If you are in need of food, whether as a broke college student or a struggling parent, use this resource. You won’t regret it.
Welcome to Silent Syche!
Welcome! Learn more about Silent Syche and mission of the practice.
what we do
Silent Syche began as a vision during my time as a graduate student. Recognizing a gap in accessible, affordable mental health care, I aimed to create a tele-mental health service that could offer the benefits of therapy without the burden of high costs and travel times.
The core value is quality, reflected in the transformative journeys of clients dealing with depression, relationship issues, anxiety, grief, and more. Silent Syche thrives on helping individuals break free from stagnation and find their path to healing.
If you feel ready to address life’s challenges and explore a path to personal growth, we invite you to reach out. Even if we may not be the right fit for you, we are dedicated to connecting you with community resources that support your mental well-being.
For more information, click on the button below!